I wrote this after I got side swiped by a truck on a parkway in Brooklyn, New York. I surprised myself with how calm I was about the situation, compared with how bent out of shape I would have gotten in the past. This time, I didn’t have the negative thought pattern I used to get – like that “WHY DO BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?” Author and coach Elizabeth DiAlto says it’s the difference between asking “Why is this happening to me?” with an angry, self-pitying tone, versus thinking inquisitively “Well, world, why may this be happening to me? And what can I learn from it?”
My reaction after this accident was similar to the latter. I wondered what lesson may be learned from this, and also thanked God the accident wasn’t worse. I was not physically injured and the only damage to my ten-year-old Saab were some dents, scratches and paint marks to the exterior.
My lesson was to see that there are good people in the world who do the right thing, instead of angrily looking at everyone, thinking they are trying to take advantage of me. The young man who hit my car paid for the damage, and his father-in-law arranged transportation to my job from the mechanic and called me with daily updates on my car even while his two-week old granddaughter was unexpectedly placed in the hospital. They simply did the right thing and remained true to their word, when everyone told me I made a mistake to trust them.
Yet another lesson was revealed to me when I picked up my car from the mechanic that next week. It was pouring rain, and the mechanic wrongfully estimated the time the car would be ready. Not only did this cause me to miss a get together with my best friends in Long Island, but I brought my puppy there in a cab, thinking the car would be ready immediately upon my arrival. There I was, more than a little frustrated to be standing in a dusty garage with heavy rain a few inches away, while trying to keep my puppy calm and still.
Despite my exacerbation, I realized that I had bonded in a special way with Kingston, and he had proven up to the challenge of behaving well in such a scenario. I also met such a strong and pleasant soul, Paul, who shares a name with my late godfather and uncle, and who attended the same Catholic high school in Brooklyn that my Uncle Paul and father attended. Paul took a liking to Kingston and we had a wonderful conversation.
When I returned to the mechanic that next Monday for an additional part, who was there again but Paul! Neither of us could believe it, and he opened up to me about caring for his ill mother. He shared that he walks by the water to be calm, clear his mind, and focus on himself – something he only just started doing in his life. He also told me that friendly-natured people like he and I needed to say “no” sometimes, for our own physical and mental health. At that moment, I knew Paul’s words were a sign – this is something very specific that I had been working on recently. It also confirmed my need to share these stories through my blog and help others work on relaxation techniques and self-care, so that they can then better serve others, in the same way that Paul needs his daily walks so that he can best help his dying mother.